Wiping Down Willie...

Fish live in water twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, and they are just fine. People for some odd reason find it necessary to dry themselves of this water that they purposely submerged themselves in. They think that over-sized cloth hanging on the door is the most efficient way to remove this water. I do not approve of this in any way imaginable! These filthy humans wipe my body up and down their disgusting wet skin, wedging me into parts of their body that make me gag as I think about it.

Humans seem to be the only animals on Earth that 'require' my use. You will never see a dog wiping his face at night with a towel before bed, or an alligator sun bathing on a towel in the blistering sun. However, you will easily find humans not only wiping their own dirty feet, face and other dirty places with my absorbent body, but wiping others with me as well.

Almost my entire life I have been used to wipe up some crazy spills and messes, each incident leaving me with a very distinguished battle scar. I have stains made from wine, blood, fruit punch and many other substances that have made me who I am. Most of you are probably feeling sorrow and sympathy for my worn out body, but trust me I am just fine! Now that I am so stained and grungy, not one human will use me to dry off their wet, dirty bodies.