Feel The Sunrise, Smell the Sunset

I shouldn't have to explain the sunrise or sunset to a blind person... I'm sure they know exactly what it is like. All you need to tell them is that it is one the most beautiful images ever, and their mind will simply do the rest.

85?

On October 20th, 2078 I would be 85 years old. Unfortunatelty by this time, the world has ended and everyone is dead.

"Oh Nana Hannah"

Oh Nana Hannah, Oh Nana Hannah,
I watch as you peel back that yellow banana.
I believe that they are your favourite fruit,
Whence you devour them all noise is on mute.

I scream and I shout for my nana to come,
But she can't hear a thing, not even a gun!
So i'm off to her room to give her a smack,
Respecting my elders is something I lack.

Now I am grounded because I'm a "brat,"
Aside from just hitting her, I said she was fat.
They say I am bad and regret what I've done,
But old people are gross, stupid and dumb.

Oh Nana Hannah, oh Nana Hannah,
I watch as you peel back that yellow banana.
I know you are old and I know you are deaf,
So I hold it all in and wait for your death.

How I got to where I am and stuff...

10. Lincoln got a second job.
9. Lincoln had an interview at Gino's Pizza.
8. Lincoln was hungry.
7. Lincoln went to Florida.
6. Lincoln texted Ashley.

5. Ashley texted Rosie.
4. Rosie texted a monkey.
3. I like kittens.
2. Lincoln.
1. This is a monkey typing.

Clothes Optional Party

Here is a list of the first ten people I would invite to a party to have a good time naked or clothed...

1. Ashley Lavadinho - Because she is awesome :)
2. Justin Bieber - Because he is Canadian and I feel bad for him (so many haters)
3. Aladdin - Because he has a magical flying carpet.
4. Chris Brown - Ashley made me invite him...
5. Shanika Lewis - She will be the entertainment because she is an amazing singer.
6. Miley Cyrus - So we can all laugh at her.
7. Chandler (my dog) - He is adorable and funny...
8. Grimace - So I can ask him what he is supposed to be.
9. Mrs. Bent - Because she knows everything and everyone loves her company.
10. Victoria Marroccoli - She wouldn't miss a party that Mrs. Bent is attending...

Now that I have decided who is invited to my party, I am second thinking this clothing optional idea...

memo to self: do not forget to take medication

You would never have guessed what happened. My mother decided that our family was going to be moving to Bordeaux, France! This city has been recorded as the top supplier of bubblegum in the world! My family and I were in shock as none of us have ever travelled outside of North America. I asked my mother when she had planned on our continental move, she looked at the clock and said, "IN TEN MINUTES!" My brother and sister bolted to their rooms to start packing the necessary items to live in Bordeaux. All of these quick and sudden movements along with all of the unusual thoughts shooting through my mind caused a slight twitch in my left eye. It seemed that I had forgotten to take my medication that morning, and my nerves began bouncing off-the-wall, so to speak. My mother shrieked at the sight of my uncontrollable spasms which began with a slight twitch in my eye, evolving into full-out shaking and kicking on the floor. My mother called for my brother's assistance. Parker arrived in due time and knew exactly what I needed. My brother reached into his pocket and pulled out a bright orange carrot and placed it on the table. My brother then bent down and reached into his shoe only to pull out a bottle of pills labeled 'anti-spazz pills'. My mother poured the pills down my throat, they tasted a lot like chocolate cupcakes. Moments later, my body calmed down and everyone had a sigh of relief. It seemed as if my life was on the edge of disaster and my sister was deciding on which outfits would look the best in France. If I had my way I would have pulled out the old leather belt and give her a few slaps on the wrists. Unfortunately I was not able to do this, so I just threw an orange at the back of her head a few days later and said it was an accident. After all of this craziness, we ended up missing our flight to Bordeaux and remain living in our house here in Stoney Creek. Now I swear to you, that is exactly how it all went down.

Wiping Down Willie...

Fish live in water twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, and they are just fine. People for some odd reason find it necessary to dry themselves of this water that they purposely submerged themselves in. They think that over-sized cloth hanging on the door is the most efficient way to remove this water. I do not approve of this in any way imaginable! These filthy humans wipe my body up and down their disgusting wet skin, wedging me into parts of their body that make me gag as I think about it.

Humans seem to be the only animals on Earth that 'require' my use. You will never see a dog wiping his face at night with a towel before bed, or an alligator sun bathing on a towel in the blistering sun. However, you will easily find humans not only wiping their own dirty feet, face and other dirty places with my absorbent body, but wiping others with me as well.

Almost my entire life I have been used to wipe up some crazy spills and messes, each incident leaving me with a very distinguished battle scar. I have stains made from wine, blood, fruit punch and many other substances that have made me who I am. Most of you are probably feeling sorrow and sympathy for my worn out body, but trust me I am just fine! Now that I am so stained and grungy, not one human will use me to dry off their wet, dirty bodies.